(re)views as a parent...

Because life as a father is funny; and weird.

Posts tagged Quotes

133 notes

Daddy some of the kids were calling a boy in my class a baby today. But I didn’t because that isn’t nice. I also said to my friend, who got choked, that if she feels like she wants a hug to come to me because I give hugs. She hugged me.

- my daughter, 6 years old.

Obviously the sweetest kid on the planet. That plus I am beginning to wonder what type of class she is in. Is grade 1 or a UFC cage match?

Filed under parenting fatherhood nobullying quotes

64 notes

Daddy. I can’t wipe my own bum right now because I just got a new cat and she doesn’t even have a name and even my horses said so.

My daughter, 6 years old

Well I suppose coming up with a name for your imaginary cat is certainly more important than wiping your own bum. Those horses told me.

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68 notes

(While driving by an A&W)

Daddy I wish I could keep that smell but they won’t let me! I want to keep it in my pocket so when it smells bad I can take it out and smell it. Like if it smells like poop I could take it out and take the poop smell out of my nose and put the hamburger and fries smell in and then it would be better. But they won’t let me!

My daughter, 6 years old

Filed under parenting fatherhood quotes a&w root beer hamburgers

70 notes

S:
daddy I have a cut on my finger.
C:
S, maybe it was the cut monster. He comes into your room at night and cuts you with a knife. He has a mean face and only cuts girls and not boys. Daddy, look there is his house over there!
(What the hell. Remind me to lock my bedroom door)

Filed under parenting fatherhood quotes cutmonster

53 notes

Have you ever seen a bush before daddy? Because bushes are very rare.

- My daughter, 6 years old.

Be on the lookout for bushes everyone. Apparently they are rarely seen. I suppose that depends on how much grooming you do. Maybe that’s not what she was talking about?

Filed under parenting fatherhood quotes bushes

86 notes

Daddy. I just farted and it was this big! (Spreads arms wide open)

My daughter. 6 years old.

Apparently fart size is now measured in arm-lengths? Has she validated this new measurement, and to what degree of statistical accuracy? Silly 6 year old.

Filed under parenting fatherhood science quotes

152 notes

Quotes for a Monday

"Daddy, lemon cheesecake! Lemon cheesecake!"

"Is there spider crabs in real life?"

"Daddy how do you wake up a monkey?"

"What are cats made of?"

"What are belly buttons made of?"


All valid questions. Not sure where they came from, or the reasons, but valid nonetheless.

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96 notes

C:
I am going to marry S when I get older.
Daddy:
you can't marry your sister.
S:
why not! That isn't fair. That is just an awful rule. Awful.
Parenting at it's best. At least they love each other; just not in that way.

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92 notes

Here comes the fire truck! The people will be surprised that a Christmas tree is helping them. But then he will get out and do a tap dance and everyone will be happy.

My daughter, 6 years old.

Apparently the Christmas tree toy is not only a heroic fire fighter but also a tap dancer. Because everyone could use a little tap dance after being saved.

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217 notes

Don't say hate

Daddy:
please don't say hate. It is not a nice word. You can say "I don't like" but not "hate".
S:
why is it a word then?
Daddy:
there are lots of words that are not nice, that are still words, but you don't say them.
S:
oh. Okay. Well what are they for then? Are they for dinosaurs
(My daughter. Kind of getting the point but somehow getting wildly off track with dinosaurs)

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234 notes

Daddy I hate lemurs. I super hate lemurs and I don’t want to eat them.

My son 3 years old.

Apparently he doesn’t like lemurs. Just for the record I am not perpetuating any lemur stereotypes or discriminations over here. This is a lemur friendly house.

Filed under parenting fatherhood quotes nolemurhate