Step 1: cry a lot. Don’t give up.
Step 2: when mom and dad come to check on you manage to have taken your diaper off.
Step 3: cry some more. When your parents come to check on you for a third time, manage to have taken the nipple off of your milk bottle and have it split all over you and your bed. Mom and dad are getting frustrated now and will be forced to change your sheets. Tip: if they haven’t given up yet, proceed to step 4.
Step 4 (if necessary): keep crying and take a big shit. If you aren’t out of your crib by step 3 the big shit is always a good last resort.
You have now won and get to get up and play. Feel free to pass these lessons along.
Charlie. Aged 1.